7 Worthwhile Things I Learned From My Mentor

I'm a big fan of mentorship and I've spoken about it on numerous occasions. I've also had the privilege of interviewing real topic experts like Steve Farber and Don Yaeger

I was most recently reminded about the importance of mentorship to my personal development when I had a long overdue telephone conversation with someone who had mentored to me.

Terry and I hadn't spoken in close to ten years from my days when I was employed with Service Canada, a department in the Canadian federal government. When we re-connected, it didn't take me very long to remember how much of an impact she had on my growth.

We chatted for over an hour and ended the conversation with a commitment of doing a better job of staying in touch with one another in the future. I immediately began reflecting on our relationship from the moment the phone beeped to signal the call was over.

It was through this thought process I discovered seven key things that made our relationship so worthwhile:

1) Not one sided

A typical mentoring arrangement involves a more experienced or knowledgeable person imparting insights and guidance to someone with less experience.

When Terry and I first met, I was fairly new to government and didn't know very much about bureaucracies or how to navigate through policies and procedures to get the work done.

She had several years of work experience under her belt and had pretty much seen it all before. I, on the other hand was quite comfortable when it came to technology and was always trying to develop systems to help us be more efficient.

This was an area that Terry wasn't as strong in and a way was immediately opened a way for us to learn from one another. I felt as if I was also making a positive contribution to the relationship and not just taking. It was mutually beneficial.

2) Anyone can be your mentor

A mentor doesn't have to be someone in a position of leadership or authority. They definitely have the potential of offering a good learning opportunity but that doesn't necessarily mean that it'll be the best.

While a boss, supervisor or manager can offer a meaningful experience we can gain knowledge or insights from virtually anyone we come in contact with as long as we're open to learning the lesson. This is why I absolutely love the expression,

"Always learn, learn all ways!"

3) Genuine Caring Leads to Authentic Kindness

I don't think its possible to have an effective mentoring relationship if there isn't some level of caring that exists. In my case, I knew right from the onset that Terry was genuinely interested in my well being and wanted the best for me. This was important to know because it allowed me to have complete trust and faith in whatever direction or guidance that came from her.

4) Recognize Greatness

At one point during our conversation, Terry said, "I saw so much potential in you and all I've ever wanted was for you to be a role model to others."

Because mentors have an objective view of things, it's far easier for them to see our individual greatness then for us to recognize it ourselves. Terry not only recognized what I was good at but she also put me in situations where I could maximize skills and build my confidence at the same time.

5) It's a relationship

Being in a mentor/mentee relationship is no different then any other relationship we have in our lives. In the beginning, you've got to commit the time to learn about the other person and understand their likes, dislikes, interests and desires before you can think about trying to help them.

When both sides have a better understanding of each another, the opportunities for growth and development increase. She took the time to understand me and knew how to best help me to succeed.

6) No Structure Needed

There are lots of companies that have structured mentorship programs that come complete with a detailed matching process, a prescribed meeting template and a roles and responsibilities agreement that both sides must adhere to.

While these programs can provide some amazing opportunities for learning and growth, they don't all have to be structured in that fashion. The most lasting mentoring relationships are the ones that have organically developed in the absence of a formalized structured program.

7) Pass it on

Terry eventually moved on to a new position and we stopped working together thus ending our "formal" relationship however we still remained in touch for a bit. I eventually went on to manage a program that gave me an opportunity to mentor more than two dozen young students that were brand new to government over a course of a three year period.

They were all really eager, keen and anxious and I saw a lot of myself in many of them. This compelled me to work hard on creating a positive work experience that supported their learning and development, empowered them to make decisions and offered different viewpoints to help increase their perspective and understanding.

I essentially gave to them what was given to me.

I'm still in contact with many of my past employees today and proud of their professional accomplishments and the type of individuals they've grown to become. I was truly honored this past summer when one of my past "mentees" asked me to MC her wedding.

Knowledge and insight are great things to have but even better when you give it to others. To grow as a leader, you must be prepared to take all of your learnings, lessons and experiences and pass them along to someone else.

In Closing...

Our actions or how we choose to live our lives can serve as mentors to others. In fact, I truly believe that the greatest lessons we learn in life comes from the people around us, thus making the role of the mentor that much more important.

If an opportunity presents itself and you have a chance to be that difference maker to someone else, I would encourage you to step up and embrace the role. Helping someone become better than what they were is a true leadership skill that can have lasting effects.

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Things You Are Not Supposed To Think Of

The human brain is such a big storage for ideas that sometimes it makes an individual think so much. Thinking can be good! The brain gets challenged and the individual becomes more analytical in his thinking. Good thoughts make man happy and healthy. On the other hand, unpleasant thoughts make man unhappy, unhealthy and basically unproductive. Although having unpleasant thoughts can't be avoided, an individual has the choice whether to continue thinking of an idea or not. Some of the things which a person should not think of are the following:

1. Things that destroy the core beliefs. The core beliefs of a person are those which he strongly holds on to as a result of his personal experiences that developed over time. The core beliefs are the basis for his action, reaction and non-reaction in his every circumstance. Things that destroy the core beliefs bring confusion and indecision. Although change is good, a person must know which of his beliefs need to be changed. If your core beliefs make you a better person, stick to it!

2. Things that bring worry and fear. Worry and fear are both negative emotions. But the cause for worry and fear may be a legitimate problem. If this is the case, then the best thing to do is analyze the problem and find a solution for it. If a solution can't found for the time being, then it is not worth thinking of for a while. Eventually a solution can be found when it is least expected. There are other things you can do. Don't let worry and fear bind you!

3. Things that bring sadness. As one of the basic emotions, temporary sadness can be an experience of feeling helpless. When one feels sad, he can cry and sob despite the disapproval of other people. But the feeling should not dwell in the person's heart. A man must not say that tears won't stop flowing out from his eyes. It's a choice that he won't stop crying. Remember that sobbing don't make a man helpless. Being sad sometimes just shows the human side of a person. Some people say that when you experience sadness then you will have the opportunity to experience happiness. So, be sad for a moment then be happy!

4. Things that cause anger. Anger is an emotion which shows intolerance of an ill-treatment. Anger may be an impulsive reaction for self-preservation. It may also be a reaction to an unfair treatment. And there is anger which results from offense on the character of the individual. Please don't ask me about the anger of Jesus in John 2:12-25. That's a different story. But like sadness, anger should not dwell in the heart. Anger makes an individual lose control. Most of the times, the sudden rage makes a person do unlawful acts. And it can forever change to a life full of regrets. The mind is over the heart. Simply put, reason should take control over the emotion!

5. Things which are annoying. Sources of annoyance may be a person or something which causes trouble or irritation and eventually makes another person unhappy. Before you get annoyed by a person with what he does, try to see if it's unintentional and just an honest mistake. It is possible that it is your fault you feel that way. When you are sure that it's not about you, don't get mad at the person. Feel sorry for him for he may need help. A person getting annoyed should stay calm. It would be better if he can laugh about it. Remember what other people say... laughter is the best medicine!

Avoid thinking of these things. It may be difficult but not impossible. Don't let these things stress you out. Time is valuable and irrecoverable. Spend time wisely and think happy thoughts... always!

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Sure Things in Life - Beyond Death and Taxes

Stuff I'm Sure About
Benjamin Franklin once famously remarked "In this life nothing can be said to be certain but death and taxes."
Most of us, I suspect, will agree with old Ben. The times we live in are awash in uncertainties. We find ourselves in the eye of a technology revolution that is changing the world around us at dizzying speed. How do we stay grounded when everything around us is in flux?

The very institutions that used to provide stability to our lives, family, and church are in the throes of change. Added to our woes is an economy in crisis, high unemployment, yada,yada,yada. Man! I can't stand it.
Ben Franklin's way of coping with change in his day was a wry sense of humor and a quote that has endeared him to us even to today. Yea, Ben, your are right. There are few things certain in life but, with due respect, there are more than two items on the short list, items that we can hold on to and provide a sense of equanimity to our frazzled hearts and minds.
Here's my top six, my sure things in life. And first on the list is

LOVE
I am sure that there is no force more powerful in the world than the power of love. The love of a mom for her baby, a soldier for his country, the love of a saint for her God, the committed love of a spouse for her mate. Yes, I am sure that this kind of love, not only exists, but rules the world.

CONNECTIDNES
I am sure that every living thing is connected. What one person does affects every thing else. The butterfly effect, so called because the smallest of actions can cause major effects, is for me one of the certainties on which I base my life.

THE PRESENT MOMENT
What we have is today. Nobody can take that from us. The past is a memory; the future a guess. But, by gosh, we do have today.

THE PRESENCE OF CHILDREN
I am sure that there is nothing more beautiful in the world than a baby's smile or the innocent laughter of children.

COMPASSION
I am sure that no person is so far gone that he can't be redeemed by our compassion and forgiveness.

A REASON TO LIVE
Finally, I am certain that each one of us has a purpose, a role to play in life that we alone can play.
Those are my top six. May I suggest that you take it upon yourself to expand on old Ben's tongue in cheek list. Make your own list of stuff you can be certain about, things and values that make life worth celebrating. I guarantee that your list will beat the hell our of death and taxes.

The author, Hank Mattimore, is the author of "Grandpa To a Children's Village." He is a surrogate grandpa to twenty-four abused or neglected foster children living at The Children's Village in California.

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How to Learn to Let Things Go

When I talk with people about the idea of making the rest of your life the best, whether through changes in work or doing something new and different in their free time, I always get an enthusiastic response. It is when the conversation moves onto the part about actually doing it that attitudes become less "can do!"
Not surprisingly people raise some very practical considerations about making big changes in life - with obvious concerns being financial issues and time commitments. A far less obvious concern, but one that does ultimately reveal itself as a major factor, is a reluctance to let go - to let go of things from the past and to move on.
To be fair it is something which I have not been good at, and it took a recent event to point this out to me.
I finally sold the old Lexus 300. There were of course several sensible reasons why I should: Expensive to run, and with a home based business these days, not much of that expense was allowable to tax. Awkward to park, I never mastered it. Hopeless on snow covered roads, now a regular feature of our winter.
Yet all these reasons were suddenly questioned the day the old boy was traded in for a used but un-abused VW Golf. An unexpected moment of sentimentality came over me as I thought about losing some of its comforts and indulgences. But more than this, it was the thought that I was giving up my symbol of success, my big executive car.
Just how big an issue this was, or how it connected with a 20 year old grudge only fully emerged a few days later. By now I was happily enjoying the benefits of the Golf. It is easy to park. The fuel gauge needle does not plummet to empty. But it was when a business colleague said "You have come down in the world a bit" that I discovered the biggest benefit. His comment triggered memories of redundancy 20 years ago. Of the blow at losing a big job with all the disappointments that meant. He caused me to see that the Lexus was my way of denying all this, and dwelling unwittingly in the past. Suddenly I not only felt good about driving the Golf, I felt relieved of a hang up. I had finally let go.
A short guide to letting go
Be alert to the problem:There are certain to be events in your past that have caused embedded feelings of regret, injustice, disappointment, even shame. They work away in the background distracting and nibbling away at your attitudes towards life.
Look out for the clues: The habits and routines that are the ways you have always done things. The mementoes of the past that on reflection you now see to connect with these events.
Create your hang ups inventory: Write them all down. When you plan to commit yourself to goals or actions then writing them down adds to their reality and the intent that you attach to them.
Have a mental de-clutter:Remember the old adage that everything starts with a thought? How you feel about anything and everything happens because of a thought. I get anxious when up a ladder because I think about falling. All those things from the past you feel angry, sad, ashamed of, tell yourself you are not going to feel that way any more. Tell yourself you are moving on.
Have a physical de-clutter:Take that hang-ups inventory you wrote out and ceremoniously throw it away. Put it through the shredder. Roll it up into a ball and chuck it over your shoulder into the wastepaper bin. Burn it on your stove. Do it with purpose and feeling!
Have a behaviour change: Change those "old way" habits and routines. Get rid of those mementos.
For many people making the rest of your life the best of your life can mean making one or two major changes.
For some, making the rest of life the best simply means letting go of things from the past.
Author Bob Howard-Spink had by his own admission been shifting careers for 40 years before realising what a life refreshing and enriching experience change is. He also admits that like many people he had viewed mid-life career change as one of those "crisis" things that people do until discovering what huge benefits it brings.
All of which inspired him to launch onwego.co.uk through which he now encourages, advises, and generally eggs on would be mid-life changers as well as connecting them with sources of help. The help ranges across career change, making the best of your free time, and personal fitness, all offered to help visitors make the rest of their life the best of their life!
For more information visit http://www.onwego.co.uk/.

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